Alone

Alone…

For the past two weeks I have been home alone. Wayne had a temporary job offer to come work for a friend in Tennessee who is managing a hotel in Pigeon Forge. He was only supposed to be down there for a week but last week, while he was down there, he got an offer to stay another week which he accepted.

I was a little uncomfortable the first few days that he was away. I wasn’t so much afraid of the bears and the coyotes as much as the white trash neighbors. Talk about a scary bunch but they are. Not to mention the house being broke into about a year ago. None the less, in a few days I was for the most part over my uncomfortable paranoia. I cleaned the house from top to bottom and blasted my music and ran around the house naked. I did all the typical things that one might do when left alone but by the time Wayne came back that week-end I was getting bored with being alone.

That week-end Wayne did come back but only to let me know that he had accepted another weeks worth of work down there. I wasn’t exactly happy about it and soon again that Monday I found myself coming home to an empty house. Now, on day ten I am sick of being by myself. For one thing I miss Wayne, I really do. I know I bitch about him a lot and he can be a total douche sometimes but you don’t realize how much you depend on one another until you spend some time apart.

Last year we lived four months apart but it was all out of anger so it may have been a period of displacement, it really wasn’t like this. This time I have actually missed Wayne. It’s odd, but totally understandable. I miss going to bed with him; I haven’t slept well since he’s been gone. I miss talking to him when I come home from work and little things like that. It’s really sappy I suppose. I don’t care to tell you though because it’s true…not to mention NO SEX…that part blows the most. Without getting nastily detailed or anything Wayne drives me crazy physically. Often while we are watching TV I will slightly stare at his face and thinking to myself in those moments “He is so cute”. Or even in his sleep in the early morning light when he’s on his back snoring I think its cute. I am real prude at not admitting these private moments that I don’t let him in on. Usually I mask my moments of “awe” with saying something immediately rude or sarcastic …but still, I have them.

Oh god, make me stop! I am making myself sick. I sound like my friend Sabrina which scares me immensely. But I won’t go there. That is a blog entry within its self.

Anyway I am sick of being alone! When you find yourself doing laundry for fun you know you’re bored. So hopefully Wayne will be back sometime tomorrow and I can go back to being hateful and stuff.

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~ by stevanilla on April 1, 2009.